Oh, look. There’s a pile of leaves in my yard. Let’s eat them and pretend they’re chips! And trying really hard not to cry.

Every time I hear someone is going on a diet or eating healthy, I silently judge them. This is OK because those same people silently judge me and others when we eat a bag of tortilla chips in one sitting with no regrets. I know. I know. This is not healthy and I should be running 500 miles every day and do sit ups and rub coconut oil all over my body to magically cleanse the fat away, but I refuse to eat leaves and pretend they’re chips.

OK. I’m not really being serious here. But when I watched this, I was like, “No. Just no.”

I am, of course, trying to, GASP, eat a little bit healthier and exercise and be a little bit more mindful of my health. Let’s call this Project One Tiny Leaf at a Time, or POTLAT for short. I’ve been eating more vegetables and walking more. When I say walking, I don’t mean walking to the mailbox and back. I mean actually taking time to walk just for the sake of walking, on purpose. Gasp.

My entire life, I’ve been struggling with eating mostly snacks and not really eating meals up until dinner. Over the past few years, I’ve been better with, you know, actually eating actual meals, but I do love snacks. To show my love for snacks, here is a list of snacks I’ve eaten over a long period of time.

Potato Chips
Sweet Potato Chips
Tortilla Chips
Blue Tortilla Chips
Ripping Tortillas into Triangles, Salting Them to heck, Baking Them and Calling Them Chips
Pretzels (With Cream Cheese)
Pretzel Rods
Thin Pretzels
Pita Chips
Saltines
Cheese Crackers
Ritz Crackers
Wheat Thins
Triscuits (With Cream Cheese)

I, of course, do not eat all of this at once. I go back and forth and eat maybe three to four snacks at a time. Not in one sitting, of course. Right now, my snacks of choice are Tortilla chips, Cheese crackers, sweet potato chips and pita chips. Hey, I don’t discriminate when it comes to snacks.

As you can see, I like my snacks salty and mostly unhealthy. People usually suggest vegetables and nuts as healthy snack alternatives and I just look at them as if they’re an alien and say “I am not a rabbit,” and calmly walk away.

Timeless Thoughts: No one is selling flavored water, so I am stomping on lemons with my feet

This post is a part of Timeless Thoughts, a monthly link-up hosted by Georgie and Tara where bloggers share something they’ve missed from their past. OK. OK. That’s basically my entire blog, but I’m doing this anyway. Sue me.

I live in Florida. I can’t go without a day of someone reminding me to drink plenty of fluids, so I don’t pass out and possibly die from the heat. Of course, they do this while I’m drinking a bottle of Diet Coke. I get it. Water is the best option, but let me drink my Diet Coke in peace. Or at least have the courtesy of silently judging me.

I do drink a lot of water, but I also like a little variety. I like flavor. I like carbonation. I like choices. Water all day, every day isn’t the type of lifestyle I want. I’m a human being. I have taste buds. And they want variety.

Soda is my beverage of choice, but again, I do like to have choices. I like sparkling water. I sometimes drink tea. I am also a fan of flavored water. It’s a shame that, for whatever reason, they’re rare to find these days. Who would think flavored water would be a fad? It’s the 2010s version of Tamagotchi, apparently.

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Water is water. It’s healthy for you, but it’s not really something you enjoy. You drink it because you have to. Flavored water is essentially still water. It still has no calories. It still had no sugar. It will still keep you hydrated. The only difference, really, is you can actually enjoy it rather than feel as if you’re obligated to drink water. What’s next? Feeling obligated to take showers? Oh, wait…

It’s a shame flavored water is not as available as it used to be. No, squeezing lemons into a glass of water is not the same thing. I want it in a bottle, damn it.

Timeless Thoughts: Excuse me while I pine for every single thing I miss in New York and will never have in Florida

This post is a part of Timeless Thoughts, a monthly link-up hosted by Georgie and Tara where bloggers share something they’ve missed from their past. OK. OK. That’s basically my entire blog, but I’m doing this anyway. Sue me.

The problem with moving from New York City to, well, anywhere else is you will always be nostalgic of New York and will try to feel the same way about whereever you’re living now. It’s just not going to happen. It’s like trying to squeeze Michelle Branch out of Justin Bieber.

There are many obvious things I’ve missed about New York. The architecture. Walkability. Good public transportation. Parks. Chinatown. Mispronouncing my r’s without being judged. It’s the little things you miss, you know?

Then there are things that I miss that I don’t think about that much. Food carts is one of these things.

In New York City, food carts are everywhere. They’re at every corner. They’re in front of courthouses. They’re there when you least expect them. The vendors know you’re hungry, and they’re ready to shove food in your throats.

The closest thing to a food cart we have here in Orlando is a food truck parked to the side of a Home Depot. The sad thing is that I’m not even joking.

Eating from a food cart may seem like an insignificant thing, but I’ve had fond childhood memories of eating hot dogs and honey roasted peanuts from random food carts at random places. You’re just not going to get the same feeling from eating a Big Mac from McDonalds.

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There are even food carts in Chinatown. I spent every weekend as a child with my family in Chinatown. From time to time, I would get what’s called mini cakes, which are small circle shaped pancake-like things. Yes, one can easily make them at home. The same thing with hot dogs. And, sure, honey roasted peanuts can easily be bought at any store. I am not reminded of my childhood when buying a container of peanuts from Target though.

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Food carts are local and owned by individuals. Targets are not. I’d rather support a local business. Also, I’d be at home. Part of the appeal of food carts is that they’re on the street, and you can just grab something to eat when you’re out and about. Cooking at home is the opposite of what I want. I want my hot dog on my way to the grocery store. I want to pay three bucks for it. And I want a big hairy man named Mike to hand it to me. Steve would also be acceptable.

Timeless Thoughts: I swear I’m not eating healthier. I’m just trying to please my parents.

This post is a part of Timeless Thoughts, a monthly link-up hosted by Georgie and Tara where bloggers share something they’ve missed from their past. OK. OK. That’s basically my entire blog, but I’m doing this anyway. Sue me.

Chinese takeout. It’s the two words every health nut run away screaming from. There’s just no way of trying to be healthy when walking into a Chinese takeout restaurant. When you’re going in, you know you’re committing multiple sins, gaining twenty pounds and possibly sacrificing your future child.

There was a time not so long ago where I would have absolutely no remorse going to a Chinese takeout place. I always get the same thing: sesame chicken, roast pork fried rice and two egg rolls. Extremely decadent, full of calories but it was a guilty pleasure I didn’t feel so guilty about. I know. I know. You’re hungry and you’re going to blame me for calling for Chinese takeout and basically ruining your life. You’re welcome.

I have always had certain health issues and, for the longest time, I didn’t take care of myself in terms of diet. You don’t want to know the number of nights I ate take out and never looked back. Heck, even when I started to take care of my health issues, I still ate takeout like there was no tomorrow. I like to both thank and blame my father for this sudden change. He happens to be a cook at a Chinese takeout place. I know. What a coincidence. It’s also horrible.

There was a time in my life back when I was eating sesame chicken on a regular basis where we would have the same old conversation over and over. It went something more or less like this:

“Ah-yah, Kenny. You need to stop eating sesame chicken. It’s so sweet.”

“But I like it.”

“The sauce has too much sugar. It’s bad for your health.”

“Ugh.” -sighs-

I did eventually stop because it just wasn’t worth it to have my father look at my in disgust every time he would see an empty takeout container in my trash and shame his head in disappointment. . Of course, my father does work at a Chinese takeout place, so it’s difficult to avoid eating Chinese takeout all together. When I do have it, I usually get Beef and broccoli lo mein, which my father approves. Ugh. I’m such a good son. I know.

A box of crackers, a handful of maple leaves and a crap ton of chocolate

Food. We can’t avoid it. Unless, of course, you want to, you know, die. Over time, we all have our comfort foods and guilty pleasures. Iv’e certainly had quite a few.

Aero Bars
Originally a product of England, Aero bars are chocolate bars with a filling that has a bubbly texture. They are now available in many countries, including the United States, and comes in multiple flavors such as milk chocolate, dark chocolate, mint, latte, etc. Yay. Unfortunately, here in the land of boring chocolate, only milk chocolate and mint are available here. Oh, well. at least we have mint.

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Maple Creme Maple Leaf Cookies
Can a snack be any more Canadian than maple cream cookies in the shape of maple leaves? Perhaps poutine-flavored beaver-shaped cookies. They don’t sound very appetizing though. Maple Creme cookies are amazingly delicious but horribly decadent. Also, it may or may not give you instant Diabetes. I don’t know for sure. Regardless, maybe share the unhealthy maplely goodness and split a package with 20 of your closest friends

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Kashi Cheese Crackers
Kashi is a company known for healthy snacks. That’s kind of funny given it is inconceivable that cheese crackers can ever be healthy. But they exist and I like them better than Cheez-its.Or maybe I’ve st been brainwashed. I don’t know.

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Timeless Thoughts: 50 kinds of m&ms and not enough Twix

This post is a part of Timeless Thoughts, a monthly link-up hosted by Georgie and Tara where bloggers share something they’ve missed from their past. OK. OK. That’s basically my entire blog, but I’m doing this anyway. Sue me.

I absolutely love it when a new flavor of a chocolate product comes out. I’m a man who loves to try everything once, when it comes to food anyway. I am not planning to skydive or take up hardcore street fighting anytime soon.

There used to be a time where limited edition flavors were all over the place. Now, new flavors have been permanent or seasonal. That’s great because I honestly do not want to stockpile 500 bags of coconut m&ms. There’s a time and place to be a hoarder. This is not one of them.

For the longest time, I’ve been missing Dark Chocolate Twix. They came out for a very brief time back in the mid-2000s. I was only able to find them at my college bookstore, of all places. They have since disappeared forever, which is sad. I find it funny that it hasn’t become a regular flavor of Twix yet I remember I became so desperate in finding them that I actually searched for them on Ebay. Yeah, OK, maybe that’s worse than stockpiling 500 bags of limited edition chocolates. It still frustrates me that we have white and dark versions for most popular chocolate brands, but not for Twix. I guess it’s better than Japan having 500 million flavors of Kit Kats while the ugly stepsister of the US has just three. Sigh. Sometimes it’s too sad to be a human being.

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